Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Addiction
So it’s last Saturday. I’m resigned to not playing poker for the weekend. My son has a holiday party and I’m his transportation. I’m kind of missing not being able to play poker all weekend, but I figure, hey!, I don’t need to play every weekend….do I? I should be happy just to play once or twice a month, right? I’m not that addicted…am I?
As Saturday is progressing, I get to thinking about how much I enjoy my Saturday evening poker games. I love the competition, the camaraderie, and the occasional payoff $$.
Now it’s Saturday late afternoon, I’m really starting to miss not playing. I'm starting to obsess a little. So, I start to scheme, in my mind, ways that I can take my son to the holiday party and still play some poker.
I figure I can drop my son off at 7p and be playing poker by 8:15p. Then, if I leave by 9:15p, I can pick up my son by closing time - 10p. Of course, I’d need traffic to cooperate. I’d need to execute this plan to precision. There can’t be any delay in getting a seat at the table. Maybe I can call ahead. This will give me 1 hour max of playing time…not long enough. What if I just meet a parent at the party that will agree to give my son a ride home? No, that won’t work – the wife would object! I’m stuck.
So I take my son to his party and return home to sulk. No poker for me. Then, I get a gift. My son calls me at around 8:30p and says he’s bored and would like me to come pick him up. My mind immediately jumps to ….30 minutes to pick him up/drop him back at home, 45 minutes travel time to the home game, I’d be there by 9:45p…or 10p tops. I could play poker for 3 or 4 hours, make $200, and split.
My wife wrecks this scheme by calling me on my way to pick up my son and asks me to stop by Kroger for some much needed milk. Ok, this will add another 15m to the plan. No problem. So, I get to Kroger, grab the milk, jog to the check out…..forgot the wallet. Damn! Now, I’m screwed. If I don’t bring milk home, there’s no way wife will agree to let me play some poker.
So, I return home. No milk and no poker for me. By the way, I find my wallet in my coat pocket that I was wearing….at the store. Idiot! I sulk around for an hour and go to bed at a reasonable hour for once. Maybe, I’ll actually be a productive member of the family on a Sunday morning for a change.
Now, it’s Sunday. Of course, I feel great. I got to bed at 10p – up at 8a. I need to run some errands. Need to drop off some clothes at the Salvation Army and then swing by Sears at Summit Place mall to pick up some vacuum bags.
This trip takes me on the same route I would have traveled last night had I got the chance to play poker. So I travel through Pontiac, take the M59 loop, take the sharp right onto M59 west. This is a very familiar and often traveled route to the particular home game I’ve played at dozens of times.
Just traveling this route gets me to really miss not being able to play last night. The feelings from last night come rushing back.
Now, I’m freaking out a little. Ya see, I’ve never had a problem with booze, drugs, cigarettes, etc…, so I’m not sure what it would be like. But, I’m starting to get a sense that an addiction probably starts with this type obsessive thinking – sort of a craving of the mind to engage in an activity (i.e., poker, booze, drugs). So I really get to wondering, as I’m headed down M-59 west past Elizabeth Lake road, is this how someone who is addicted would be feeling? Is this what an addict would be thinking? Are these the early ‘tells’ to an addiction?
So, I get done with the errands, go bowling with my son, do some housework, and rationalize away all this crap about addictions as just “hey man!, I like to play poker, what’s the big deal?”
